John Stossel owes me $1000

In John Stossel's recent book "Lies, Myths and Downright Stupidity" he claims that governments can NEVER provide a service as well, or as cheaply, as private enterprise. He goes on to offer $1000 to anyone who can show him a counter example. Well, Mr. Stossel, I'm here to collect my KiloBuck.

Several years ago, we adopted a dog from a friend of a friend because he couldn't keep it. It was the same breed as our dog and we thought they would get on well together. Well, as it turned out, the dog had been abused, and was untrainable. While this was disappointing and frustrating, we dealt with it. Then the dog started biting children, and we ran out of patience. We took the dog to the local Humane Society to have it euthanised. Let me describe this place.

The subtle smell of animal feces hits you as soon as you get out of the car. By the time you open the front door, it smacks you in the face. It is stomach-turning. I have to wait in line about 20 minutes for my turn. While I'm waiting, another family arrives with three dogs in tow. They cannot afford to feed them any more, so they are having them put down. The biggest one,the Labrador, deficates in the vestibule. No one bothers to clean it up for another 10 minutes. Everyone but me has brought their used-up pets into the building while they wait, so the smell and noise is frightening. The apathetic hippies behind the counter, in their Grateful Dead t-shirts don't seem to notice.

When it comes to my turn, they start the questions. Name and address. Pet's name. License status, et cetera. They also want to know a lot of stuff that I don't understand. Shots and medical history. I'm bringing the dog in to be euthanized. I don't see how his worming status is important. Nevertheless, I get the paperwork done, pay them $60 and they ask me to bring the dog in. As I hand the dog over to them, they remind me a second time that I am relinquishing all rights to the dog, including the right to inquire as to it's adoption status. I just barely signed a statement to that affect and you have already told me once. Moreover, this is a dog who bites kids, craps on the carpet and chews on anything that is not made of steel. The LAST thing I want is for it to be adopted.

Fast forward to yesterday.

My dog, Artic [sic] is old and infirm. He needs to be put down, but I keep thinking he will last a little longer. He is something of a living legacy to my Father-in-Law, as he had belonged to Oscar before he died. The kids love the connection, and frankly, so do the wife and I. But he can hardly walk any more, can't hear at all, and has started sprouting sores. Yesterday an abscess burst behind his ear, in a place that he couldn't clean, and it made a mess that looked like he had lost a fight. It was time. The wife called the vet. He wants $80 to put the dog down. And he doesn't know if he has an appointment available. Call back tomorrow. (No thanks). Next, she calls Sandy City. They forward her to Animal Control. They tell us that they are sorry for our sick dog and can take him for $25.
Sounds good.
I put the dog in the car and drive to Sandy City Animal Control. I walk in, and tell them I have a sick dog that needs to be euthanized. They immediately recognize that this is the dog that the wife had called about, and skip all the questions about why I'm bringing them the dog. They hand me a one page form to fill out. Name and address stuff, and they tell me to skip all the adoption questions. Thanks. They ask me if the dog can walk, and I said "Just barely". They offer to have me pull the car around back so that they can just carry the dog in. I assure them that he can walk from the car to the door. I give them their $25 and go to get the dog. As we walk in, the dog sniffs a bit. I sniff a bit. I can smell a faint hint of Febreeze. What I don't smell, not at all, not even a little bit, is dog or cat feces. At this point, I also notice that I don't hear any dogs barking or terrified cats crying. The office is cool, quiet and peaceful. As I bring the dog in, an officer meets me and takes the leash. Then he stands completely still and silent while I say Good-bye to the dog. I ruffled the dogs mane, said "Be good, Puppy", and turn and leave as quickly as I can so that they don't see me starting to cry.

No one ever wants to lose a dog that they have cared for for 15 years and raised up with 5 kids. But since every dog will have to be dealt eventually, I say that Sandy City Animal Control is one class act.

Mr. Stossel, you owe me $1000.